I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
