she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
