She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
