Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
