You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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