my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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