the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
