I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
