the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
did you just send me my own nude
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
