An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
