Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
