My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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