apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
