Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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