This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
