we have officially lost it.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
