new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
