Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
