I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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