apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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