highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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