i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
