3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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