My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
