I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
