Farmville is her only friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
