32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
