I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
