I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
