I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
