whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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