he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
