so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
