Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
People in love make me want to vomit
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
