hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
