Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
