He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
