I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am puke
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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