look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
