So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
