Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
