you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
