I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
