Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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