CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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