you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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