I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
