Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
