At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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