You're completely useless in the revolution.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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