how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
