his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
