She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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