What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
