i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
