i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
