In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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