Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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