She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
