that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
