Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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