So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
