last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
