I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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