I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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