If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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