For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize