omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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