just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
