Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
