but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
