M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
