I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
